"anniversary" of ripped souls
Current mood: calm
Category: Life
I'm like a zig zag or some freak. My emotions are kind of roller coastering around as the "day" approaches. It is almost a year....
Kind of funny I was talking to Apryl & I couldn't remember how long I've been seeing Kirby & she was like you're coming up on your year in a few months... I was like yeah... and Mark and the whore are coming up on their year in a couple weeks. Weird. The thought crosses my mind that their first kiss- I was in the room sleeping... That just doesn't seem like a good memorable kiss to reminisce about. (for them; it's kind of funny for me)
I never expected to be where I am today a year ago when I was oblivious to the confession the night he (the ex) first got drunk... I thought he would have gotten over it and we would have continued in our ignorant little marriage for the rest of our lives. I would have never been the me I am becoming now...
But anyway here I am going house hunting with him, the love in my life that I never thought I could get. He wants to take care of me and promises me he will never feed my heart to the rabid dogs of cheating spouces.
I trust him, but sometimes I am scared. The scar Mark left in my heart sometimes aches, as if it is going to get wrenched apart again...
I wonder if I really ever knew what happiness was... Sometimes I still wonder and will it torture me in my mind? Am I keeping myself from truly grasping the entirety of happiness? There are moments when I'm so wrapped up in my little world with my love to give and receive that I know I've fully grasped it. I just need to not let go.
I suppose he will be there for me with these next few months and we can create better memories. Someday I will be able to bury the pain that threatens to erode the me I want to be.
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