one more thing... Logan Friday, August 03, 2007

one more thing... Logan
Current mood: disappointed
When I was in Atlanta I sent him a text (along with all my other friends) when I was on the plane waiting to get off and he sent me one back saying something like "I don't know who this is, you're not in my phone."

I guess we're not friends? He erased me from his phone? He doesn't answer any messages I send him...

I guess in the recesses of my mind I had hoped that we would always have some kind of connection or distant friendship in this world simply for the fact I don't know how I would have survived without him last fall.

Logan was there for me when no one else was. ...he will always have a place...

At any rate I'm not one of those pesky girls that will constanty call, text, ask to hang out, and why aren't we friends, blah blah blah if he doesn't want to be. Although I would like some kind of reciprocation just so I know.

I know we had at one point gotten to be pretty close. I miss that, although I don't expect it again from him. There are a couple things I wish had gone differently... he knew me when I was in my own hell; and I was not given the chance to show him the me I am when my life isn't falling apart. The me I like that isn't a constant confused, insecure, wreck.

I don't suppose I"ll ever get another chance, but I guess if he would just let me have one last visit or conversation I would want him to know this:

I am pretty confident in where I stand in my friends and families lives.

I think "deep" and ponder things life gives me, even the good things, but this isn't necessarily bad! It helps me organize my feelings, let the bad stuff out, and dwell on what I want to dwell on.

I may feel negativity, but I don't dwell on it. Most negativity rolls off my back and I can find some kind of positive in it. I can even laugh about it.

In general I am more of a down to earth kind of girl. I am naturally happy.

I love to laugh deep genuine laughs. I'm both OCD and random. Sometimes taco bell reminds me of you. My apartment is almost always super clean (it is sooo nice).

I don't really gossip and I don't really hate. I'm a fun person to be around. I am not typically cynical and don't have a dry sence of humor. Infact, I can be easily amused. My complaints are few and far between, and when I do complain I usually get it out and am done... or I find something to laugh about in it.

I love to play around, take walks, and be near people. I'm very empathetic. I don't like other people to be sad. I don't want anyone sick. I still pray every night. I don't want other people to hurt.

Of course I'm not the same person I was before everything happened, but I'm also not the person I was when he knew me the best. I'm okay and I'm becoming the person I want to be. I like to talk (obviously) and I like fun things.

I can't deny there are times I have bad days and things seem grim, but darkness does not fill my life. I have a light within and I have a wonderful family and a great network of friends.

I am not sad, and I don't want to be.