Forbidden Letter

Forbidden Letter
Current mood: drained
Category: Romance and Relationships

Forbidden Letter
September 30, 2006
Hello,

I don't know what all you're hearing and I know that there are tons of rumors going on about both of us all over the place & I really don't care.

I don't think I love Mark anymore. He treated me horribly. He said he didn't love me so many times and he's lied to me so many times about so many things. He treated me badly & I deserve better. Everything he didn't or doesn't do for me he does for Anna. He's still with her, he says he really loves her, and he tells me he treats her better than he treats me or has ever treated me. He says he trusts her (which he never did me- kinda ironic, huh that he's the cheater & I've always given him everything) and he is honest with her with everything (which he never was with me). I see her over here at the house watching movies or whatever & he holds her and she holds him. He sends her text messages all the time- he does everything for her he never did for me.

I don't think I love him anymore. I wonder if I ever did. I know I did, but I wonder why. I know I can get better. I don't belive in divorce, but adultry in the bible I can get a divorce. If the military finds out what Mark did, he could go to prison. Adultry is a jailable offence in the military. He doesn't even care.

**thought I'd add this in that I don't want anyone telling the military. They will do thier on investigation on why we divorced. I will not purposely tell them, but at the same time it's no secret...***

He doesn't care about me at all. He says he lost respect for me (because he called me when I was drunk at a party) as a mother and a wife. Ha that's a joke. I lost respect for him as a husband the moment his heart cheated on me with her. And I lost respect for him as a father when he put his lust in front of the kids.

He asks all the time to cheat on his girlfriend with me and stupid things like that. Everything is a freaking joke to him. He thinks it's so funny what he did and makes jokes all the time. I hate him being here. I don't want to even see him. I can't stand to be around him. He's critical of everything I say, do, think, and what he thinks I feel. Ha!!

That's a joke. No one knows how I feel. No one (especially him), bothers to ask me what I'm feeling. I am moving on as best I can. I choose to do what I'm doing because I want to feel happiness just like he says he has. I want what every girl wants and someday I'll get it. If it's sooner than later- then good for me. I have my good days and my bad days.
I can't wait for him to get OUT. So I can start to rebuild my life without him.

I know we may lose the house & cars and what not. That isn't my fault. That is just the consequences of his actions. Just like if I do have to move Gavin will have to change schools. His fault- not mine! I'm going to school to better myself and give my children a better life. It's sad we all have to go through this, but these are just the consequences of his actions.

I hate Anna with everything in my entire being. I hate to hear Gwyn talk about her and compare me to her. I hate her. I hate her so much I can't even put what I feel about her into comprehensive words.... and the longer Mark is with her the more I feel the same way about him, too. He makes it easy for me to know I don't love him when he picks on me constantly and is mean to me all the time and thinks everything is so funny.

Yeah there is another guy I like. He's patient with me and listens to me. He hasn't and won't take advantage of me (even if I wanted him too). When no one else is there for me because the family's too overwhelmed by the situation and my girlfriends are too busy & I'm depressed at 1am because I can't sleep- he's there.

People may be shocked, but he makes me laugh, too. I smile constantly around him and can actually be myself. If I talk about a guy I work with he doesn't freak out like Mark does. I don't get the 3rd degree around him. Granted I've only been with him a short while- Mark has always been like that from the moment I met him.

I lost some really good guy friends beause of Mark. I gave up a lot of myself for him & I'm not going to do that again. I'm going to be me no matter what. No guy will ever surpress me and I won't ever give up any part of myself for any guy. If they can't stand that I do like to go out once in a while or that I do talk to the opposite sex and (heaven forbid) hang out with the opposite sex- then so be it.

Regardless of everyone's opinions (and I've heard quite a few) he's not "making a move" on me- and if he were so what?! Mark makes me feel like worthless piece of crap. He makes me feel like yesterday's garbage. He makes me feel like nothing compared to him. I could have killed myself & he wouldn't even give a crap. If someone or more than someone are going to sweet talk me and tell me I'm beautiful and they like to hang out with me. then I say GOOD FOR ME.

As far as Mark and religion- you all will have to talk with that about him. He lied to me for years about his religion and frankly I don't believe anything he says anymore.

I can't get back together with him. I don't want to. I don't want to always wonder if he's telling me the truth. I want to trust who I'm with. There are a thousands things I know I want that Mark doesn't fit anymore. I trusted him with the deepest darkest part of my life and for all I know Anna knows everything too. Everything I even tell him now he goes and tells her. I don't tell him anything.

I am no longer Mark's concern. I don't want to be a part of his life except when it comes to our children.

I love you guys more than anything & I miss you all very much, but I'm sorry this is just the way things have to be.

As long as Mark and I can stay civil to each other (at least infont of the children) I'm sure things will work out. 50% of american homes are divorced families. We're just another statisitic. I thought and hoped we'd be different, but we're not. The kids will get through this just like all the other divorced children do...

We can't "make things work" for the "kids sake" because that will only bring resentment and eventually another fall out. We have to do what is right for us.

I have to do what is right for me. What is right for me is not Mark. There is someone else out there that will love me for all of me no matter what. He won't leave me when there are problems. He will want to stay and work it out... And I know he will love my children as his own and will treat us all so good like we've never experienced....

Pappy wrote:
Hi Ry,
This is Pappy, You know that i think of you as my daughter and I love you very much. No one tells me anything , I just hear bits and peices. You know that how I feel about family. I would die for each of my family. I feel that I'm the head of the family and it really breaks my heart that I feel that it's falling apart. Jesus was tortured and nail to the cross and he forgave the people that did that and all the sins in the world. Mark made a terrible mistake and sin, him alone has to ask for forgiveness. Deep down I know he belives in God.Remember two wrongs don't make a right. I talk to him a little bit and he does feel rotten what he did to you and he wants to come back to you. You guys have something so special that makes you so rich. You have two beautiful children that loves you both so much, please don't let them have a broken home. Nothing ever comes good from a broken home. You both will lose your beautiful home ,cars,evenualy they will have a step dad and mom who will never love them like you guys do. You told me yourself that you don't belive in devorce and that it's againds your religion and Marks too. I know that you were hurting, but please, please for the kids sake , please forgive each other and get back together. I know that Mark still loves you and I know that you sill love him. I love you both so much and I pray for both of you. excuse my spelling. Todd and Lisa went through the same thing too. You kids are wearing me down, I probably will get in troble for writing this, but as my age and health I don't care, I just want my FAMILY TO STAY TOGETHER FOREVER. PLEASE WORK IN OUT.
With all my Love
Pappy


Comments:

What "Pappy" wrote brought tears to my eyes. Jesus was nailed to the cross to save us, to forgive us.... It is hard to think of that when we are going through our tough times. ... You know that I am here for you and I care about you. I am so sorry that I haven't called lately to check in, I have no excuses. I have been noticing the glittering smile on your face, such a refreshing sight to see! I am glad that you have someone you can call at 1 a.m. I only hope that you know you can call me then, too. ... It is hard to make the right choice, to know what the right choice is, but I know that you and Mark will do what is right for you and your kids. It might take a while for the two of you to get back to "normal" (whatever that is) but I have always thought that you guys were great parents and people. Stand up tall and be proud of who you are. You are a beautiful girl, you have an enormous, loving heart and anyone who doesn't see that is blind. You are constantly in my thoughts and prayers and I know that God's will will be done. With love, your sister in Christ, Mollie
Posted by ? on Saturday, September 30, 2006 - 7:19 PM


.
The Holy Bible, New International Version. Pradis CD-ROM:Mt 19:3.
Mt 19:3 Some Pharisees came to him to test him. They asked, "Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife v for any and every reason?"
Mt 19:4 "Haven’t you read," he replied, "that at the beginning the Creator ‘made them male and female,’ 79 w
Mt 19:5 and said, ‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh’ 80 ? x
Mt 19:6 So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate."
Mt 19:7 "Why then," they asked, "did Moses command that a man give his wife a certificate of divorce and send her away?" y
Mt 19:8 Jesus replied, "Moses permitted you to divorce your wives because your hearts were hard. But it was not this way from the beginning.
Mt 19:9 I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness, and marries another woman commits adultery." z
Mt 19:10 The disciples said to him, "If this is the situation between a husband and wife, it is better not to marry."
Mt 19:11 Jesus replied, "Not everyone can accept this word, but only those to whom it has been given. a
Mt 19:12 For some are eunuchs because they were born that way; others were made that way by men; and others have renounced marriage 81 because of the kingdom of heaven. The one who can accept this should accept it."
Aryan,
I'm sorry that I made you think that I didn't want you to see L. You can see anyone you like I just don't want to see you hurt more then you are. You need someone to be on your side ... that is what a counselor should do. I really think it is a bad idea you and Mark living under the same roof. Marty you are only fooling yourself if you don't see how Mark has hurt her. If he really wanted her back - Anna would be no where in sight would she? I don't believe Mark is a very open person and it seems to me took the easy way out to make trouble for himself. God provides they say and I guess Mark is the one I am angry at and I shouldn't be. He should have a right to believe what he wants ... but to not believe in God ... it shocks me to the core and scares me for him. He has to live through what ever comes his way Aryan and his way is to attack and retreat much like someone else we both know. I think you should spend sometime perhaps living with your Grandmother if she has room or your parents. I think you need to take a step away and have "Aryan Time".
I hate to call there because I don't know who will answer and I hate to say anything because I get more agrevated that I'm not there to knock Mark in the head. If he wants out there are right ways to do it. I have a friend who her husband and her got a divorce peaceful and clean in less then three months because it was mutual. If there is not love ... there is no hope. Sorry Marty I don't believe Mark can atone for this by having Anna over on the couch watching movies and texting her. Aryan if you want to see someone else ... thinking of the children first .... I think you need to find your own space. So you lose the house, so you lose the car ... you have your health and your family and right now a job and schooling for the future. Hold your head up high girl and walk yourself to a group/service that can get help you find your way to a solution to your marriage.

Love ya,

Mary
PS: You can write me anything about how your feeling ... I've always listened and I do care!
Posted by Mary on Sunday, October 01, 2006 - 8:17 AM


You are so rude Mark. I want to say more but I won't. Why have those pics on your myspace? It just shows what you really are.
Posted by Ashley on Monday, October 02, 2006 - 11:21 AM


who'd ever thought I could have married someone so hateful? and his brother, too??
Posted by Kiara on Monday, October 02, 2006 - 9:54 PM


Absolutely Ridiculous! Grow Up! Pappy writes you a personal letter and you post it on the internet (and by the way , he IS very hurt by this) . I love how you set up "rules" thaen just do whatever you want. What happened to not bringing anymore on the internet? Wow. That lasted a whole week before you broke it. If Gavin has to change schools, it will be sad, but he won't have any problems making new friends as he is a terrific kid. It is NOT all Marks fault either. He went about it wrong, but if YOU made him truely happy, he would'nt had to look eslewhere for what makes him complete.
Posted by Adam on Sunday, October 01, 2006 - 11:51 PM


Damn that was good!!
Posted by ? on Tuesday, October 03, 2006 - 10:34 AM


that would be dingies (since I have 2)
Posted by Kiara on Monday, October 02, 2006 - 10:56 PM


Well, I have seen all sides to this now I believe. I just don't see how Mark and Adam could of come from their father. He seems like such a kind and understanding man. What a wonderful role model. I can tell that he is an amazing man. You are lucky to have him as a father in-law.
Mark, why can't you be like your father? He seems to be such an amazing man. How could you steer so wrong after him raising you? How disrespectful.
Posted by ? on Tuesday, October 03, 2006 - 10:32 AM