Love- such an over used word, what is it? Wednesday, October 04, 2006

Love- such an over used word, what is it?
Current mood: melancholy
Category: Romance and Relationships

Love- such an overused word, what is it?
Wednesday, October 04, 2006

..> ..> What Is Love?
Here is a quote I found on someone's comments I thought appropriate to my situation:
"The woman-
Came out of a man's rib. Not from his feet to be
Walked on. Not from his head to be superior, but
From the side to be equal. Under the arm to be
Protected, and next to the heart to be loved."

In lou of what's been going on with Mark, Anna, Adam, Mary, and my blogs- and everyone else I've been thinking a lot about love. Especially since I've come to the conclusion that I don't love Mark. I don't know if I'll ever love again- but I want too. I don't know if I'll ever trust again, but I want to do that, too.

It's apparent and obvious I have a lot of anger in me about the whole thing. People, like Mark's aunt Mary insist they know what I'm feeling when they don't. She may have gone through something similar, but she is NOT me and she has NO CLUE how I'm feeling. She claims to be this holy roller & says hurtful things like I (and Mark both) need to fall into a hole and disappear off the face of the earth.

I'm angry towards Adam because I feel he's been extremely insensative toward me and is opinionated on only one side of things. He says I set these rules and break them and am acting immature, when infact he's the one acting immature. He thinks it's acceptable behavior to make fun of people and he's done that since I've known him. I'm tired of it. My life is not his business and for some reason he continues to harrass me and make it his business.

Anna obviously because had she not been a part of my life I wouldn't have had my world turned upside down. Or at least not as badly as it was. Not only did I lose my husband, I lost what I thought was a kindrid friendship. She sat there looking at my wedding scrapbook I was making knowing the entire time that she had been intimate with my husband. What kind of friend could sit there and do that? I will never understand or comprehend her thinking.

I'm angry with Mark because he's not the same person he was 3 months ago. He never EVER treated me so horribly as he does now. He's constantly picking fights with me, being critical of me, and making sure I know how much better Anna is at everything I lack. He makes me feel awful and every moment I'm around him is another moment I lose another piece of my heart I thought I had rebuilt.

I don't love Mark and I've been thinking a lot about what love is. Mark just isn't it. I chose to love him when thigns were the hardest and I didn't understand or know what was going on. I stuck by him as best I could.

I want to and think I am ready to completely let him go. I want to let Anna go and I want to work on forgiving them. I'm not saying it's okay because it isn't. I'm not saying I feel better because I don't. I'm just saying I don't want to dwell on the two of them constantly and keep getting hurt every time I start to pick myself up. I'm turning into this angry person that I don't like and I know it's because of this. I want to be me and be me freely. So I need to work on forgiving them and let them go completely out of my mind, head, thoughts, and work on me & myself.

My life is empty without someone there for me to love. I want someone I can build up. I want to be able to trust again. I don't want doubts in the back of my mind anymore about things.... So here goes- my opinion on "Love" what it really is... and maybe when the right person comes along they will fit all the criteria of real love and I'll know it. Beyond a doubt I want to know it and feel it.

"love is patient
love is kind
it does not envy
it does not boast
it is not rude
it is not self-seeking
it is not easily angered
it keeps no record of wrongs
love does not delight in evil, but rejoices with the truth
it always protects,
always trusts,
always hopes,
always perseveres.
Love never fails.
1 Corinthians 13

When the feelings of a new romance subside and butterflies turn to mundane chores and things seem to be getting harder instead of easy like when they first started... Love is a choice. Weather you "feel" it or your emotions tell you it's there or not, you choose to love the person you're with because you know it. It's like faith even when you don't feel your faith it's there because you know it is. You know and want to make the other person feel all these things all the time. There is a desire to build them up and do what you can only do to make them KNOW that you love them. No matter what. It is unconditional and unending. You would never do anything to intentionally hurt the one you're with. You would do what's best for the other person, rather than yourself.

"let love and faithfulness never leave you; bind them around your neck, write them on the tablet of your heart." Proverbs 3:4

"above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a mulititude of sins" 1 Peter 4:8


Comments:

i know and understand what your saying Aryan...and i hope you can someday find a great guy who you can love and trust again with no worries. I just want to see you happy again. I know its going to take some time but i think your making progress little by little. And the woman came out of the mans rib..i acually heard that before. Its a good quote/saying.
Posted by Logan on Wednesday, October 04, 2006 - 3:01 AM

divorce will and always does bring out the worst in people, i'm really sorry youre witnessing that right now. someday when it is the right person, you will love again. even though right now its hard to see that, it'll happen. someday people will stop being so harsh, when the newness wears off and after its over they'll know that its really none of their concern anyways. when papers are signed, you'd be amazed at the people who just stop caring, and stop talking. it'll all go away and life will move on. its just getting through it that is harder than hell. if you need anything, let me know. and let me know what kind of cake you want when its over.

Posted by Sara on Wednesday, October 04, 2006 - 6:17 AM


Aryan,
All I can say is you are being so much more mature in the things that I have heard and read than I would ever be in this situation.... If you ever want to talk let me know. I know we havent been as close as we were years ago, but I still love you and I am still willing to be there for you!
JUST REMEBER YOU ARE A BILLION TIMES BETTER OF A PERSON THAN MARK OR ANNA OR WHO EVER ELSE IS GIVING YOU B.S. IS! I know you are STRONG and that you will make it even when the days or nights feel horrible. (I wish I could give you a million Kudos instead of just 2!!!!)
Adriane
Posted by Mystica on Monday, October 09, 2006 - 1:26 PM