it’s not God’s cruel joke Saturday, October 18, 2008

it’s not God’s cruel joke
Current mood: forgotten
Category: Friends
Isn't it kind of funny how when you ask about someone everyone and their brother will tell you all about them? I knew who my friend married, how many children she had, even how hard it was for her to have her last baby. I knew of her health issues, and her struggle with life. All I wanted was to reconnect with her, but that was denied to me. Because it would invade her privacy.

I understand, I can't blame anyone for not giving me an address to write a letter or a phone number to call her. I even said myself I wouldn't give away anyone's information with out their permission... But it still upsets (and quite honestly, almost angers) me because now my friend is gone and I will never be able to contact her. I will never be able to hear her funny laugh or reminisce.

Every few years I go crazy and have this horrible drive to find people from my past that I cared about and lost contact with. I love meeting new and interesting people, but I also cherish those who have made a difference in my life. Today's technology has made it quite easy finding some. Others: I've written letters to ghost addresses or called strangers just to try to find such people (no joke, you can ask Ben, he is one of them). There are so many people I have known that have made me who I am today. As many hard times I've had I am thankful for those that were a part of it (even those that were with me during the good stuff, too). To be there and to help me along (even if they never knew they were such a pivotal people).

My friend was one of them. I haven't seen her for 9 years, but I have always considered us friends. We were the best of friends (I was best friends with her sister, too) and we fought and made up. She made new friends and so did I. But she always had a place in my heart. I always wanted to tell her I was sorry for being an idiot. Sometimes we were both idiots. I moved and lost contact, a couple times I rode my bike the several miles to her grandma's to see her and her sister, but it was a long way and soon school started. Of course I was attending a new one. Months later wemoved again, even further away.

Then, upon something as simple as running into her grandma I made contact again. She came to my wedding shower and was going to go to my wedding but that was the last time I saw her.

I got caught up in life once more and never tried to reconnect. So that is my fault. Isn't that how we lose most of our contacts with our friends? Life moves on in it's currents and other's get swept away in thier own currents? Before you know it months have turned into years? By some fluke you are able to reunite, but sometimes never. When you do have the blessing to run into each other you pick up where you left off; or sometimes you enjoy each other's company for a half hour and move on once more. I will never know which one it would be with me and her.

I always wanted to to tell her how much she meant to me. Her family made a world of difference to me. I loved her sister and I loved her. We both were dealing with a lot of pains when we met and when we were together the pain wasn't as strong. The years we were lost to each other never washed away the bond I felt with her. I always called her a good friend, even now.

I don't know how she ever felt about me. I guess it doesn't matter much now, does it? I would have very much liked to be a part of her life. See her children, meet her husband. I would have liked to be there for her along with her other friends and family when things got rough.

When I heard about her condition I wanted to reach out and touch her and take it away. I'm sure everyone around her wanted the same. I love you Missy (and yes, I know you hated that nick name). I always said it in a loving way, I don't know if she ever knew that.

She was an original. I know I have a lot of friends in my life and I know in the future there are a lot more best friends to have. But each friend of mine is as different and unique as the colored leaves of the trees in the fall. Even those that are no longer a part of my life. I think about them all the time.

To her family: It breaks my heart to think that as I curl up in bed with my loving husand there are people that have to sleep alone. I'm sorry for what you're going through. I hope you know that even though I am a stranger I am praying and thinking about you through this hard time. I would like to say that if you needed anything I would be there, but I know I am only a stranger. So my prayers will have to do.

There is no moral, except to appreciate what you have. Embrace your families and your friends. If they are special, don't just let them go. Fight for them and fight to love them.


Comments:


I'll always be your friend lady :) You won't have to fight for me. Just text me or something I'm always here, not going anywhere.
Posted by Julie on Saturday, October 18, 2008 - 2:22 PM

this is one of the reason's why i got a myspace profile is to keep in contact with all the friends from the past and present. I also found my 14 yr old sister on here that i had never met til august of this year. She wasn't at our father's funeral cause her mom said she was to young at the time. Now im getting to know her better and i thank myspace for that one or i would have never gotten to meet her. I feel so bad that i couldn't give you the info. But again i never heard from her or her husband. If you need anything just know that i will be here for you. Im sure i'll be seeing you soon and Please don't be a stanger.
Posted by Jessica on Saturday, October 18, 2008 - 9:58 PM

I know how you feel. I hadn't seen Melissa in years, until her and her husband came in to apply for Habitat housing last year. Since then, it was an uphill battle for her and her family. You know, after her husband, Mark, called me to let me know she passed Friday, I couldn't make myself believe it. But I think her passing makes me appreciate the friends I still have with me even more. I think you should come to the viewing at least. Its tomorrow at Demoney Grimes and the funeral is Wednesday at one.
Posted by April on Monday, October 20, 2008 - 10:24 AM