Relationships suck, oh well Tuesday, April 22, 2008

Relationships suck, oh well
Current mood: crushed
Category: Romance and Relationships
I wish I could just tell people what is really on my mind. I'm afraid if I do then I'm going to be in a world of trouble with many people. There are a select few friends that I have some major concerns going on here.

Firstly I know this awesome guy who has been nurturing a sore, aching heart for a very long time. I've been gently urging him in my head to move on and find happiness. He so needs it, but his heart refuses to let him have what HE needs.

Out of the blue he stumbles on an awesome old friend that he's totally smitten with. This was a whole new person; refreshed with a positive outlook on life. Just what he needed. I was so excited and so happy.

But jealousy tore them apart and now there is yet another person with a broken heart. I tried to warn him to watchout. I hate to think that maybe he was only using her? And that hurts because having a broken heart why would you want to do that to someone else?

A couple I know that was surely going to last for ever because they were so in love... and they were so good to each other... found out they are no longer. It kind of hurts, you know.

Yeah, yeah I know people change. But if their commitment was strong enough and they work it through like they VOW to when they marry then they should stick it through. (Don't you even lecture me I KNOW I'm a divorcee).

I just remember how much it hurts. Sometimes I still have nightmares... I can't stand the thought of other people living that kind of pain. It's deep and penetrates where almost no one can go.

Lastly, I know this womanizer. He was divorced (because he cheated on his wife), but they got back together and were working on making things right. Well supposedly...

All he cares about are the cute girls and how to get them. Then when he's bored (or they demand a commitment he isn't ready to give) he leaves them for another. Of course he always had his wife to go back to when things didn't work out or he got bored. Or she found out.

I always felt so horrible for her knowing what he was doing behind her back and yet she still wanted to try to make it work! I wanted her to so badly get out of that horrible situation and find someone good for her- that will treat her right! She is a beautiful woman, you know! Kind and good hearted. The kind of woman to get hurt over and over and forgive... But the good hearted souls can only take so much pain, too!

Anyway there is another couple that have been together for a while. They have had some very rocky moments, but worked it out. I was so proud of them. They BOTH worked really hard at this. They were both so in love.

I really looked up to them. When I had some hard times, it was her who helped me through some of it. She gave me advice that still rings in my head today. She used her experiences to help heal me.

Of course I never told this friend what I thought. I never expressed how much she meant to me.

I'm sure due to their history there may have been some apprehensions, but (this is MY opinion) I think these apprehensions were diluted and preyed upon by "the womanizer" (as afore mentioned above). It is easy to sweet talk and give a girl what she wants to hear. Especially when she is scared, nervous, and/or confused. It's easy to instill a perspective you didn't think you had before when you are vulnerable.

I should know- I'm a girl! I totally eat that crap up! The sweet words of nonsense and shared secrets.... *sigh*

Who doesn't like that feeling you get when there is a new person in your life and they bring you an excitement you haven't felt in a while? Especially when the "old" has so much baggage? It seems easier to just throw everything away and start out anew...

Well speaking of baggage I guess my whole rant on this is: if you have to split because you want to make sure that you are going to do the right thing for you, then fine. Explore yourself. Only don't get back involved with someone else- especially with a certain similar history that may haunt you... Why go for someone who HAS the exact history you are running from? You may just be doing what you want, but setting yourself up to fall for someone that can hurt you... why?

I want to tell all my friends so badly to open their eyes and see things for what they are! You don't have to be with the person you're with now if you don't want to. But make it for the right reasons... and PLEASE don't fall into the SAME pattern you are getting out of.

I know this is getting redundant, but it really pains me to see a friend get hurt, or rather potentially get hurt.

Womanizer has no respect or regard for the women he is with. He has left a trail of broken hearts and tears and will continue to do so as long as he's got a girl to feed into it.

Of course I realize that all my friends (and those I don't like such as Mr. Womanizer) are free to make their own choices and decide if what they have or what they're getting themselves into are worth it… it's just that I've experienced so many of my friend's hurting hearts… And I care for them so much! Even if I'm not around.

Comments:

People are weak and scared. It doesn't make anything "acceptable" but it's just how we all are. Womanizing is a definte sign of weakness, they are filling a perceived void with more emptiness. Staying with someone you may not love is fear (at least is my case), or it could be apathy and laziness... Fear of being alone, fear of hurting them, fear of what others may think, fear of the unknown, etc.I wish more people were as introspective as you. There are levels of growth, and most adults only hit about half their potential, they only grow to the point that they need and then stop maturing, or slow to the point of virtual stagnation. The sad part is, the people that you are trying to help may not be mature or strong enough to listen to what is right. Of course you would be remiss for not trying.I was going to make some doctor Phil comment, but that wouldn't be constructive to anyone, "funny", but not constructive...
Posted by Ben on Wednesday, April 23, 2008 - 6:48 AM

I have the same situations with the friends in my life. It is hard to see your friends in pain when you know the potential for complete happiness is there. As a friend you have to be supportive, yet hold back and tell them exactly what to do. Where does that line lay between support and control? I think sometimes the line is hard to see and crossed by accident. Other times it is easy to see and crossed intentionally. I hope that your friends can lean on you for support because you are such a strong person and have good advice to give.
Posted by Satarah on Wednesday, April 23, 2008 - 8:26 AM

Love may not endure, but it doesn't go away and when someone is hurting and someone walks into their life and wants to help, and falls well really she may have already fallen before this romance started for this person, you can only blame the heart for not letting the mind reason, and for allowing the mind to believe that, the person they are with is telling them the truth.Those sweet honest words could not be lie. I Love you is never wrong, right? Knowing what you need is one thing and wanting a family your family back is another.
Posted by Shannon on Wednesday, April 23, 2008 - 1:03 PM