Odd Man Oooouut Thursday, December 04, 2008

Odd Man Oooouut
Current mood: contemplative
Category: Life
You ever realize that while you're busy doing you're thing oblivious to the world, you wake up from the fog, take a look up and things aren't what they were. I didn't leave them that way.

Were your friends really your friends? They're squirrled away whispering amongst themselves. I know it's not about me, and frankly I don't want to be in the loop (can't say I'm not curious- who isn't?). It kind of bothers me when everyone else is in their own fun little places, but I guess it's not some place I've never been before. I know it's not a place I want to go again.

I'm tired of the things that goes on around me. The comments and the constant nagging and sneering like I'm never doing enough. I go every day in life setting myself up for failure. I don't have any goals to attain. I can only do my best, but it looks like my best just doesn't cut it.

The negativity that surrounds me is stressful and draining. The nit picking and every time I turn around. Are "they" pushing me to do something I don't really want? Are my buttons being fiddled with?

I read a really good blog today. It was about taking things in your life that are out of your control that aren't making you happy and letting go. I want to let go of so many things, but you know what- I can't. I'm scared.

I don't know what the consequences are going to be. I want to change some things, but I don't know how I can go about changing them. I'm ready for the final push that will enable me to let go.

I think of the Angel series and how he couldn't attain perfect happiness or else he'd go all evil. Well I think I'm almost perfectly happy sometimes, but I wonder if I'll ever be perfectly happy. I know what I want to do and I know how I want to go about it to get to where I want... Why can't I just do it???

Because I'm scared. Because I'm attached and I can't get out of my comfort zone. And because I think MY small sacrifice would cause other issues to pop up. And I just don't know!

I wish I had the 100% support of my husband on what it is in my brain and he knows what I'm thinking- and if he told me he wants me to do it I would. He is never really clear with me on these matters. Till then... I'll just plug away.

Hey- look this blog isn't about my head!! Yay. LOL But I guess in a sence it was... mentally.

What is the lesson learned?- that no matter how old you are you still don't ever get "life" figured out.

ps- I won't go all evil if I can attain my perfect happiness. I promise. And if I do Kirby will be my first victim. I say that because by deductive reasoning he'll be the one closest to me when I go all evil.

Comment:




According to this quiz I've already gone evil.
You Are 68% Evil
You are very evil. And you're too evil to care.Those who love you probably also fear you. A lot.
How Evil Are You?I could use an evil buddy. :)
Posted by Julie on Thursday, December 04, 2008 - 5:48 PM


I'm sorry if I'm someone you are speaking of. I know I pick on you a lot but it's all in fun - I love you and dont ever mean harm by it. I know it probably doesnt seem like it and I'll try to stop doing it - it's just so mundane in that place, there is little to enjoy or laugh about... I really am sorry Aryan. I'm bummed i'm not in your preferred blog list too - it's ok, I understand. I know you think Audra and I talk about you - trust me you are not the topic - everything I say about you I say TO YOU. I am mean sometimes and I dont mean to be, I apologize. You do a good job - you are very nice to your customers and you do whatever it takes to get them answers - I give up on looking for things way before you do - probably why you get the big orders you do much more often than I do.
Posted by Heather on Tuesday, December 09, 2008 - 10:48 PM